0. You will schedule the transformative salon appointment for a few days after a semi-professional photographer is coming to do a family portrait. This way your mother will have a respectable Christmas card photo regardless of what happens.
1. Your sister will drive to the salon with you and provide small talk as you assure the hairdresser that yes, when you say short you mean ‘boy’ short.
2. You will go home and ask your brother if he likes your haircut. At 13, he cannot control himself and stutters an emphatic “n-n-o!”.
3. Over the course of the next 3 years, every member of your extended family will comment that you look like your great aunt.
a) This is not a bad thing. Your great aunt is young and cool and has been to every continent. She also has short hair.
4. You will go to your friend’s house to drop off cookies for her drive back to school. You arrive at the same time as her father, who lets you into the house even though he does not recognize you. Your friend is not there.
5. It will take you three days to realize that you have a cowlick now and your bangs look very Saved by the Bell hanging straight down your forehead. It looks much better parted to the side.
6. When you move back to campus for sophomore year, you will be bathed in “I totally forget what you looked like before!”. You choose to interpret this as “you have revealed your truest self.”
7. The boys you desperately want approval from will run their hands through your hair as you sit on the green, laughing at the way the fresh shorn buzz cut still feels. You feel strangely validated.
8. The girl you made out with a couple times last semester will do the same thing but it feels
9. You will realize that short hair means more frequent haircuts. This also means more frequent paying for haircuts. You will return to that original salon just once a year, relying on cheap barbershops and DIY dorm bathroom trims until then.
10. When you walk into class with a freshly buzzed head, your economics professor will say, “It is good that you have confidence.”
11. You will transfer colleges and when you arrive on your new campus you will feel more confident than you could have imagined. You will attribute much of this feeling to your hair, though there might been confounding factors.
12. You will find yourself running your hands through your hair as you easily mention to new friends and acquaintances that you’re gay. 14- year-old you is very proud.
13. You will buy a cheap electric razor kit to cut your dad’s hair and coerce friends into trimming yours. This will have varying degrees of success.
14. You will constantly debate growing it out again, pulling at your bangs and twisting them anxiously. It will border on a mullet as the back grows below your collar while you try to remember what you looked like with a shoulder length bob. Was that a good look?
15. You will lay in bed googling pictures of Emma Watson, looking for that photoshoot that originally inspired you to cut your hair in the first place. You will try to remember the confidence of your first short-haired semester and plan to book the appointment to buzz it again.